Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
