I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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