1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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