i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I have post one night stand depression
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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