So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
