The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
