Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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