I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
this boner is exhausting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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