Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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