we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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