Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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