Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
