Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
We need to get me chipped asap
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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