they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize