I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
