Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
