But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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