My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
