I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
God I need to hump something, right now.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
