i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
