I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So much rum. So many feels.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
