ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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