so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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