You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
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mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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