Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
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What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
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i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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