Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Randomize
