I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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