It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
