wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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