I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It's blow job season.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
i think my cat just said my name.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
