Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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