Your face is a jimmy john
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
