Porn is love you can see.
Apparently you make a good broom.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize