I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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