Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
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