Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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