That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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