My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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