I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
