that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
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No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
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That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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