when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
