All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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