Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
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So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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