Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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