i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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