You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize