It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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