No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
