Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
