i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
