what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
