your room smells of hookers.
And success
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
