last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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