Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
