I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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