Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
