Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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