I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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