Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
