I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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