Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
