UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
