He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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