i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
